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01/24/2011

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N

Hello-
I have spent the better portion of the last two nights googling any blogs or helpful sites for adults who have been disowned. Like you had written, normally when you hear "disowned by parents" you think the worst kinds of people. I do not fall into that category. I may not be perfect but I do know that I didn't/don't deserve this.
I am so sorry for your loss; not just of your father's passing but your loss of ever having the chance to reconcile. What has happened to you is one of my biggest fears.
I see that you haven't updated your blog in a while and while I would love to follow your story, I hope the reason why you haven't added to it is because you are moving on with your life in a good direction. Just by your three posts, I have felt a sort of relief in seeing someone else just like me succeed. I too have been disowned by my father and my older sister has followed in his footsteps. They are not bad people but they have made me feel like I am the lowest of low. I am somewhat inspired by what you have written and only hope that while I may never have the reconciliation with my father, I may have a chance at living a great life and creating a family that it stronger and more loving.
Your story has touched my heart and I thank you so very much for sharing it.

A Disowned Child

Hi, there. I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through something similar.

I have not updated the blog for awhile, mainly because I have been working on a full length book/memoir so it's hard for me to be that prolific. I do hope to return to updating the blog shortly though.

I have not found too much helpful on the interenet on this issue. However, some books I would highly recommend:

The Narcissistic Family
Children of the Self-Absorbed
Healing from a Family Rift
The Emperors New Clothes (yes, seriously, but it's a view of why anyone who thinks differently will initially be made to be the outcast and black sheep).

While the story with my father had a tragic ending, for now, I still think it was right to keep my heart open. I would be a different person if I hadn't held onto that hope. I also still have a sister and brother out there. I have lost a lot of hope with them, just because I have since read so much about the permanent and lasting damage our family dynamics has caused on all of us. I am very focused on healing, but that means taking hard looks at painful things. I don't think my brother and sister can do that, at least not yet.

Good luck to you!

Matt

Hi, sorry to read about your experience. I was disowned by my mom last month and it can be tough, as there's that little part inside me where I can imagine her being back in my life again; yet it will not be. I've made mistakes in my life but whereas I'm a Christian and know forgiveness and God's infinite love, she is Atheist and just cannot let go of things and move on. She's troubled by 40 years of family problems, adheres to the "Old English" way of not discussing problems but rather pretend everything's fine; I love her, but strangely it's also a relief too, as she would tell me from a child that I was a failure when I've actually done all right! She hates that I live in a different country, she detests that I'm a Christian, so out of the blue she wrote me off...

Anyway, instead of getting affected by it, I rather want to offer words of comfort to those who have been disowned by their parents. My link (with testimony + offering of comfort) is: http://deanministries.page.tl/Disowned-f--Do-Not-Despair-ar-.htm

Greetings from South Africa,
Matt

A Disowned Child

Hi, Matt, I am sorry to hear that you have experienced a similar pain. Thank you for sharing your link and story. I can only hope that your mother will realize the loss before she passes.

Pam Bernard

Hi, I was searching for a site on how to help my cousin grieve the loss of his father without closure or mainly even a grave to visit. Your stories are similar in which his father passed and was creamted and his stepmother or sister will not tell him where his Dads ashes are. It has been almost three years now and he is very much still agonizing over this daily. He had no closure with his Dad. He was out of the country when his father passed and his stepmother and sister would not wait for him to return to the USA to attend his Dads funeral. Visiting his childhood home would not be any comfort to him and that was "hell" to him. Any other advice? Thank you, Pam

Kit O'Suilebehan

I think you should build a cache. Find a few things of your father's, some personal things, a memento or a photograph, and choose a little place. Make a shallow depression, put the things in a sealing plastic bag, cover them over, and build a small cairn of little rocks over it. Say a prayer or just speak your mind. Then you will always have a place to go, and part of his spirit will be there. I hope this helps. I understand the situation. Take care, Kit.

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